october 27, 2018

Last week, I got up and got ready for brunch with my friends. I had pushed the snooze button on my alarm way too many times, so I nixed the idea of taking the bus and just called an uber. I went to my friend's house and had a lovely time catching up with friends. Then after my friend told me her work was on lockdown, I checked twitter to see that a shooter was at a synagogue around the corner from my house.

I live so close to Tree of Life synagogue. I pass by it nearly every single day either on my way to work or just going around walks through the neighborhood. Despite being in a city, Squirrel Hill is a quiet, almost suburban, neighborhood. There's big fancy homes to ogle, there's plenty of families with kids and dogs going about, there's a wide diversity of students that attend Carnegie Mellon, Pitt, Chatham, or any of the other universities in the area. There's a quaint movie theatre. There's tons of amazing restaurants of so many cultures and cuisines. I've lived here ever since I graduate college, and I'm so happy to be in the area.

Now around the corner from my home, there's 11 markers for the people who died on October 27, 2018. Now our neighborhood is scarred by an act of violence, an act threatening people who simply came together to worship. Now we have international attention on our neighborhood as we try to pick of the pieces of a broken heart.

I'm amazed by my community. The efforts people here have gone to in order to support the Jewish community in Pittsburgh is astounding and makes me cry. There has been so much love pouring out, and an outcry demanding that we change the culture. That we stop normalizing hate. I want our voices to drive out all those who consider violence, and that they run with their tails between their legs away from this city's vibrant love.

My neighborhood is going to carry this with us forever. We won't forget the victims: Rose Mallinger, Irving Younger, Melvin Wax, Bernice and Sylvan Simon, Daniel Stein, Joyce Feinberg, Cecil and David Rosenthal, Jerry Rabinowitz, and Richard Gottfried. Their memories are in our hearts. That corner is marked forever with hatred, but I have seen so many people gather there to mourn, grieve, and pass along love.

I'm fortunate to be safe, as are my friends and family. But we're dealing with a communal tragedy. I'm struggling to cope. My depression in hopping onto these feelings and trying to force me to stay silent and hide in my bed. But I won't. I can't. Pittsburgh and Squirrel Hill means too much to me. I will go out on November 6th and vote one block away from Tree of Life. I will vote for change and then I will work for it too. I will not let hatred be the new normal.

dark lipsticks

As the weather begins to cool down, everything in my color palette begins to shift darker. This applies to my clothing, shoes, nail polish, and make up. For the longest, time I was terrified of dark lipsticks. I'm the whitest of whites: the color of cream cheese, vanilla yogurt, or freshly fallen snow. Dark lipsticks terrified me because I felt it would just make me look like I was goth, and I listen to way too much Taylor Swift for that aesthetic. However, I've been warming up to darker lipsticks. One of my biggest inspirations is Gena-mour Barrett, a British writer whose post about why she wears bright lipstick was a big push for me to be more adventurous in trying different shades, especially darker ones out of my comfort zone. Her instagram is great, I highly recommend you follow!

I'm trying to be more creative and inventive with my makeup looks and a really simple way to do that is to push my boundaries and wear a dark lip. It's working well so far! Sometimes I look a bit like a pale Victorian ghost with dark haunted lips, but for the most part, it makes me feel like a badass bitch.

Fenty Beauty Mattemoiselle Plush matte Lipstick in Griselda

Remember when I said I desperately wanted this lipstick in my wishlist post? Well after writing, I went to Sephora to redeem my free mascara voucher and... I bought it. But can you blame me? This color is GORGEOUS, and it's the perfect color for fall. I tend to wear only liquid lipsticks lately, but this lipstick is so lush and moisturizing, that it's been really wonderful mixing it up!

ColourPop Liquid Lipstick in Mamacita

I took a photo that wasn't on my porch? I was cat sitting for my friend and spent the night there. Turns out his apartment has amazing lighting in the morning, so I couldn't help but snap a pic! What I love is that even though this is a really dark lipstick, you can still get the base of burgundy color. It's like easing into a black lipstick without going full black if that makes sense? It's really love and since it's ColourPop, super cheap!

Bite Beauty Amuse Bouche Lipstick in Liquorice

This has been one of my favorite colors this year, but unfortunately it's such a small sample that I wear it so sparingly! The Amuse Bouche lipstick is so creamy and soft, I adore this formula. They're kind of expensive but worth it, plus I need to go pick up my Bite Beauty Sephora birthday gift! Also this color isn't suuuper dark in this photo (TY sunshine), but it is a dark oxblood. I think this is a good color you can layer to get it even darker.

Unfortunately, I don't have a really good dark brown lipstick. There's one I wear since I got a sample size, but I don't love it enough to showcase it. I had a color from L'Oreal that I loved, the formula of their liquid lipsticks is TERRIBLE. It's weirdly shiny and last time I wore it, I had difficulty getting it off and my lips were so dry for days. I'm currently on the hunt, and will accept any recommendations for a good brown lip color (I am eyeing Rihanna's new Stunna Lip Paints actually).

Dark lips work anytime of year, but fall is definitely the perfect vibe for them, so I shall be rocking these three colors probably the most out of my lipsticks for the next couple months. (I'm wearing my Fenty Beauty lipstick right now because it is just so perfect!)

I Believe Dr. Christine Blasey Ford

I feel very fortunate to have never been a victim of sexual assault. I've experienced the everyday sexism of cat-calling, mansplaining, and struggling to find decent pockets in my pants. I've been groped while out at a bar or a party, but I've been lucky enough that when I pulled away, rolled my eyes, or yelled "fuck you" I wasn't attacked or further violated. I wish my experience could be what every woman experiences, but I know that's not the case. I've had friends who've been assaulted. I've read stories of women (and men and nonbinary people) across the Internet every time a new celebrity or politician is accused of sexual misconduct, assault, or rape. I stand by those people because I know it happens, and it is through some fortunate circumstances in my life that I haven't been a victim.

I wasn't born yet when Anita Hill testified against Clarence Thomas. With the local news, I can imagine how terrible of a circus that was, and how brave she was for speaking her truth. I'm disappointed that so many didn't believe her, but I respect how she stood up. She paved the way for Dr. Christine Blasey Ford to testify today, and I am grateful for Anita Hill.

I believe women. I believe sexual assault survivors. Talking about one's trauma is incredibly difficult, and I know I would be terrified to speak to Congress on national television about my own personal trauma. How women, and other victims, have the courage to do this is incredible. They will receive no glory and accolades. They've already received death threats and slander in the news. Nevertheless, they persist, in an attempt to make this world a little better. I am listening to these stories, and I hope everyone does too. Listen with empathy, and try to understand that this is not something any single person would do lightly.

I believe Dr. Christine Blasey Ford.

a mid september wishlist

I've made an effort to curb my spending the past month because frankly Sephora was taking way too much out of my bank account. This leaves me with a growing list of things I wish I could buy but instead will just watch it slowly languish in my my shopping carts online. One day my sweet darlings!

To help myself (or maybe hurt myself), here's somethings at the top of my wishlist that I receive a sudden windfall I will be happily purchasing! (You can venmo me @ali-mccaffrey if you wanna help a girl out).

Mattemoiselle Plus Matte Lipstick in Griselda by Fenty Beauty

I spent 100 of my Sephora points on a trial size of this, and I adored it. And then it went through the washing machine... This color is so gorgeous and I love the formula. I will get you back!

Jo Malone London Peony & Blush Suede Cologne

I got this as a trial sample from Sephora (this post is revealing the manipulative relationship I am in with Sephora...). I adore this scent, and am trying so hard to savor it. It's flowery without being sickly sweet, and it wears so nicely.

Huda Beauty Obsessions Eyeshadow Palette - Ruby

I've made it very clear that I love Huda Beauty Obsessions Palette, so is it a surprise that I want more? I'd happily accept any of the Obsessions Palettes, but of the new Precious Stones collections, I've got my eye on Ruby. I might send my mom a link to these for Christmas. Also runners up: Amethyst and Smokey.

Sunset Eyeshadow Palette by Natasha Denona

A $129 eyeshadow palette? Yeah I'm never going to own this unless my fairy godmother gifts it to me. But these colors are so stunningly beautiful, and the reviews are insanely positive. I'll just watch it lovingly from afar.

Becca x Chrissy Teigen Glow Face Palette

I have one Becca highlighter and I adore it, so I would love to add to my collection. This is an easy way to grow my collection with just one piece! Plus, I really want to try some new blushes.

Harry Potter: The Illustrated Editions

Oh I like things other than makeup? These editions are so freaking gorgeous and I would love to own them. I own the US Hardcovers and the audiobooks, so yes I would like a third version of Harry Potter!

Kuretake ZIG Art & Graphic Twin Marker 80 color set

A local art store sells these brush pens, and I am obsessed! I only have a couple colors but I would LOOOVE the whole collection. I have so much fun with them, and they make your writing look like watercolors.

Cravings and Cravings: Hungry for More both by Chrissy Teigen

Chrissy Teigen makes another appearance on my list! I want to get more into trying more recipes, and I would love to try her cookbooks. Currently I have the Smitten Kitchen book, which I should delve into before trying new cookbooks. But I adore Chrissy Teigen and would love to support her.



Look if I get a sudden influx of money, I should really make some payments on my student loans... but isn't Internet window shopping so much more fun???

stuck in a slump

For the last month in a half, I've been a big reading slump. I'm not sure how it happened! I've been doing so well at reading this year. I've been kicking ass at both my Goodreads challenge of 100 books (I'm 15 books ahead of schedule) and my PopSugar Reading Challenge (33/50). I read far more than the average person just in general. I also did a couple themed reading months! I've been doing really well! And yet, I'm so disappointed in this slump.

I hesitate to pick up new books. I don't feel as much enjoyment when I'm reading. I feel anxious when I see an e-loan from the library is about to expire and I haven't even touched it. I don't know what's happening. Sure, I went on vacation and spent my free time hanging out with my family instead of reading. Sure, I had surgery on my ankle and was too exhausted to read and spent hours watching YouTube videos instead (shout out to Dr. Pimple Popper, the SacconeJolys, and vine compilation videos). I have all these excuses and I don't think anyone would chide me for my slow down on reading.

I know this is my anxiety acting up. I know that it's not a big deal, and I'l get back into my reading pace quickly. Slumps happen! But I feel so incredibly guilty, and the guilt leads to more anxiety and I just start to spiral.

I'm not sure how to get out of this slump. I finished a book I'd been slowly reading for a couple months and the next book in a series by a new romance novel author I enjoy. I liked both books, and had a good time. I should feel proud! But I'm not. I'm really disappointed still.

I'm not looking for a solution (although suggestions for getting out of a slump are greatly appreciated). I'm not looking for sympathy. I just wanted to express how I felt, even though I know I shouldn't feel that way. I'm hoping after I post this, some of my reading motivation will return and I'll be back on track with how the year started out. But I guess I'll have to see, and listen to endless podcasts in the meantime.

(Taking a podcast break my be my first start at making more reading time)

one palette three looks: Colourpop Dream St.

Last Christmas, I was browsing makeup online (as I often do), and was going through different lipstick shades on the Colourpop website. I had heard a lot about how the lipsticks were really comparable to Kylie Cosmetics, but way cheaper. They were having a deal that if you spent a certain amount, you could get a free Golden State of Mind palette. Well, I love a good deal, so I ending up buying some lipsticks, some brushes, and the Dream St palette in order to get another free eyeshadow palette (yes, I have a problem. I'm so aware).

Both of these palettes were pretty impressive, but Dream St ended up being the more versatile palette. This was made in a collaboration with YouTuber Kathleen Lights, who I had never heard of, but I've since watched a few of her videos. Dream St has a combination of matte, satin, and shimmery shades. There's some great neutral brown and golden colors, as well as some really fun shimmers and blues. There's a lot to do with this palette, so I was super excited to dive into three different looks for this blog!

A quick note: you NEED primer for these shadows. When I first ordered the palette, it was when I was sitting on a couch recovering from surgery. I played around with the palette just for fun, and it creased like crazy. I don't even have particularly oily eyelids! But with my holy grail primer, the shades stay all day and look great!

The packaging on this palette is MAGNIFICENT. Seriously, it's absolutely stunning.

an ode to To All The Boys I've Loved Before

Back in 2014, I picked up the new Jenny Han young adult novel To All The Boys I've Loved Before, and I instantly fell in love. I'd read Han's Summer series and liked it, but I was not prepared with how much I would come to adore Lara Jean and her story. The premise of the novel is this: Lara Jean Song Covey is a girl who gets absolutely consumed by her crushes, so she writes love letters in order to process her feelings. Somehow, the letters get sent out, and Lara Jean has to deal with the consequences, such as her older sister's ex-boyfriend getting a letter. It's a cozy novel about a teenage girl falling in love for the first time, coming out of her shell, and an intimate look at strong sisterly bonds. I was obsessed and desperate for the sequel (since the first book has QUITE the cliffhanger - which you don't often see in YA contemporary novels). I'm a huge fan of romantic comedies, and TALBILB hit that sweet spot that I so desperately crave.

These books have such delightfully beautiful covers!

I didn't love the sequel as much, mostly because I felt it wasn't a really strong ending to Lara Jean's story, and was thrilled when Han announced a third book. I recently reread the first and second books, and can confirm I enjoy the second book much more now that I know there's more to the story. Lara Jean is half Korean, and Han explores the relationship Lara Jean has to her identity. It features strong familial bonds, crush worthy boys, and a girl coming into her own and determining who she wants to be. Lara Jean also bakes a lot, so it's good to go into reading with a bunch of chocolate chip cookies to munch on.

What I really wanted to talk about today is the film adaptation with came out a little over two weeks ago on Netflix. When Han announced her novel was going to be adapted into a film, I was thrilled. With every casting announcement, I grew more and more excited. When Netflix bought the streaming rights, I knew I'd get the chance to rewatch as much as I want. When the trailer dropped? I screamed. Everything about it looked so cute, and I'm so happy Han fought for the Song sisters to remain Asian American, because white-washing the characters would have just ruined some of the spirit of the film.

Hello, I'm in love with both of them!

This movie is... PERFECT. Seriously, I adore it. It perfectly captures the essence of the book. It's adorable and cozy and the perfect film to watch with your girlfriends and a glass of wine (or milk and cookies!). It's incredibly faithful to the book, while also making it a really enjoyable film. Peter Kavinsky (the main love interest whom Lara Jean fakes a relationship with) is just... *chef's kiss*. Lana Condor and Noah Centineo (Lara Jean and Peter) are incredible actors who really embody theri characters. Their chemistry is incredible, and the love story could make any cynic want to fall in love (I'm talking about myself of course). It also feels like an homage to all the classic teen romance comedies of eras before while being uniquely perfect all on its own. Also the set designer created the PERFECT teenage girl bedroom, and the costume designer totally nailed the Lara Jean aesthetic.

This is teen girl bedroom GOALS. Bless this set designer

I know I'm completely fangirling, but honestly? This book and this film just make me so happy. The film is having a moment on twitter where everyone seems obsessed (rightfully so!). It's wholesome, but not prudish. It's funny without being mean. It's dramatic without being unbelievably unrealistic. It'll charm the pants right off of you! This book is a perfect example of how excellent YA novels are to those who are super dismissive of it. Plus, it's current success as a film will hopefully lead to a sequel and more and more YA adaptations. I'm willing to spend the money!!!

The Song Sisters who were EXCELLENT. Anna Cathcart was so funny as Kitty

I'm so happy this book series and the film exist. I've already watched it 3 times, and I know I'll watch it again as I recover from my upcoming ankle surgery. If you need a pick me up, or just want to spend an hour and a half being thoroughly entertained? Watch this film. You'll walk away with a smile and huge crush on Condor and Centineo. I promise you'll thank me.

taking a break

Somehow without meaning to, I've taken August off from writing. It's been a long month (that's not even over) and I've been so busy the whole time. I was working a lot for the first two weeks with a bunch of appointments. I spent an evening at the Taylor Swift concert (which was so much fun). I went off for a week of vacation with my family, which is one of my favorite times of the year. I had time last week to write if I wanted, but instead I decided to stay offline (for the most part) and be present with the people I love. Then this week back at work has been hectic and crazy too as I try to catch up on getting things sorted after being gone a week.

On top of that, I've been absolutely exhausted. My mental health has been all over the place, both good and bad, and it's started to take it's toll on me. Plus, my sleeping habits always get askew when I've been away, so returning to a normal schedule this past week was really hard. I haven't been succeeding. I've been working on new coping strategies to deal with my anxiety thanks to my new therapist. So far it's been helping a bit, but right now I need to be focusing on having good strategies for dealing with my anxiety, (of which I have none!!!)

Lastly, I'm getting surgery next week. I'm having the screws taken out of my ankle because they cause too much pain for me. I'm nervous about it, but I know it's the right thing to do. It means I'll be off my foot again for awhile and I'll have to recover from another surgery, but hopefully it'll be worth it. I'm hoping it leads to my ankle finally starting to feel like normal again.

Here's me on vacation, makeup and hair styling free, sitting on our boat, living my best life. I'd much rather be there than at my desk right now, but I'm grateful for the time I had for a family vacation.

one palette three looks: HUDA Beauty Mauve Obsessions

I love all the eye shadow palettes I own, and wanted to do something to push myself to get a bit more experimental with how I do my eye makeup. I'm relatively modest with my eye shadow application, only occasionally playing up the colors when I go out with friends. Now I'm going to try a little harder, and use more of the colors I tend to avoid. I've written about the HUDA Beauty Mauve Obsessions palette in a previous post. I just fell in love with it in Sephora, even though I've always avoided red and pink shades of eye shadow for fear of my eyes looking irritated (as someone with sensitive eyes this is a constant concern). But it's paid off, because these colors are absolutely gorgeous and look phenomenal without making me look like I have pink eye!

This palette has 9 colors; 6 are matte and 3 are shimmery. The shadows have amazing formulation; they are soft, creamy, and so easy to blend. I've never tried any of the shades without primer, but frankly I hate wearing eye shadow without primer anyway. I wear the holy grail of primers, Urban Decay Primer Potion.

This palette is pretty small, which means it's perfect for travelling! I typically don't bring eye shadow when I travel because my palettes are big and I don't want them to shatter. However, I took this with me on my trip to New York, and it fit perfectly in my makeup bag.

I put numbers on the shades of this palette for reference when I describe my application process.

an ode to my porch

Every time I've been going to take pictures for this blog, I head straight for my porch. Not only does it have excellent lighting and a good background, it's also one of my favorite places. When looking at apartments after college graduation, I was really determined to find someplace with a porch, and we stumbled upon the perfect one. I mean, this apartment is really nice, and I love living here and in my neighborhood, but it would be significantly less great if my porch wasn't there.

Our very first of many, many selfies to come

I'm not really an outdoorsy person, but I do like the outside. I like sitting in the sunshine and reading. I like the feel of a breeze coming through. And I flippin' love Christmas lights, which are on all year round on our porch. This space is so serene. Our neighborhood is very quiet, which was such a blessing after living in a raucous college neighborhood for four years. I love having dinner out here, sipping on some coffee in the morning, and having people over to drink with us.

It's so wonderful to have a place like this. It changes my apartment from just the place I live, to the place I call home. One day I'll have to move, and hopefully my future apartments and homes have good porches too, but I'm always going to treasure this space. If you need me, I'll be out on my porch.

a peach and raspberry crumble

It's summertime, which means it's time for some delicious summer fruit! After some travelling and working late all the time, I was able to get a big grocery shop in, which for me means buying as much fruit as I can carry. I adore all the summer berries, peaches, nectarines, cherries, and all the other deliciousness summer brings. Since I went a little overboard with my fruit purchases, I texted my mom asking for some of her crumble recipes. She sent me a Peach Blueberry Crumble, which is absolutely heavenly. (Where she found this recipe years ago, I have no idea. If you know the cookbook or website, I'd be happy to credit it!) I ended up subbing raspberries in for blueberries, but I as pretty happy with how it turned out!

Here's what you'll need to make it!

• 1 1/2 cups water
• 1 1/4 (packed) light brown sugar
• 2 tablespoons cornstarch
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
• 3/4 teaspoon nutmeg
• Pinch of black pepper
• 2 cups fresh raspberries (or blueberries)
• 2 pounds peaches
• 1/2 cup flour
• 1 cup oats
• 1/2 stick of cold butter, cut into small pieces 

Alright so here's the actual recipe!

1. Preheat your oven to 350 degrees F. 
2. Slice up your peaches and combine the in a bowl with the berries. The recipe says to peel the peaches, but I love peach skin so I left it on. It tasted great, so it's really just a personal preference!
3. In a sauce pan, combine water, 3/4 cup of brown sugar, cornstarch, salt, 1 tsp cinnamon, 1/2 tsp of nutmeg, and pepper. Whisk until smooth. Place the pan over high heat and bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to medium and simmer for 2 minutes. Remove from heat.
4. Pour syrup over the peaches and raspberries. Toss well and let cool for 10 minutes.
5. In a bowl, combine the remaining 1/2 cup brown sugar, 1/4 tsp cinnamon, 1/4 tsp nutmeg, flour, oats, and butter. Using your fingers, work the mixture together until it resembles a course crumb like mixture. I used my fingers, but I think you could easily get away with using a food processor to combine this!
6. Butter your baking dish. Now the recipe calls for a pie crust bottom (using - gasp!! store bought crust!!), but I wanted this to be bottomless. It's up to your preference again! 
7. Pour fruit mixture into the dish. Sprinkle the topping over the fruit filling. 
8. Bake for 1 hour, or until the crust is golden. Remove dish from the oven and let cool for 15 minutes before serving.
9. Slice and serve warm! Garnish with whipped cream or ice cream.

the peach slices and berries coming together with the syrup

Transforming the topping from a bunch of separate ingredients into a delicious mix!

ready for the oven!

all done, with some aesthetically pleasing flowers!

A couple of notes: Making this dish with raspberries made it a bit more juicy than blueberries, so just be warned! I would probably add a little less syrup next time around. I also used my gorgeous Le Creuset baking dish my mom had gifted me, mostly for aesthetics because it's so pretty! I think it was a little too deep for this dish though. I would recommend something more shallow and wider. But that's part of cooking: figuring out what worked well and what you'd change next time around! I made this right before my friend from out of town came to stay with us, so it was a perfect breakfast treat to have on hand.

Although i recommend reducing the juices a little bit, this will still be a fruit delicious dish

I'm sad I don't have any leftovers anymore tbh

I've already been recruited by my mother to practice this recipe so I can make it for my family vacation. I might try a couple more variants to try and get a nice big version to serve to the whole crew!

hairstyle: space buns

When Fourth of July came around, it was ridiculously hot. In Pittsburgh, over 90 degrees is just... well unacceptable. Fourth of July was very low-key for my family. My stepmom's birthday is actually the fourth, so we just had a little backyard barbecue. There certainly was a dress code, but I wore my red and white dress because it was so loose, and I could get away bra free on this hot day (small boob privileges!) And of course, I put on a red lip, but I don't need an excuse to rock a red lip. I wanted to keep my hair out of my face, but I didn't want to do a little top knot or braid, like I always do. So I took inspiration from Hannah and rocked some little space buns. I thought it turned out so cute, so I went to my favorite photoshoot location, my porch, and snapped a couple pics of my hair.

It was so simple and easy to do. Instead of doing a half up top knot, you just separate the top half of your hair in half, wrap them into buns, and pin away! I really loved how it looked! I'm always nervous about middle parts because I think it makes me look really young, but I thought this style was really flattering. It was also very youthful, but I thought for being outside and keeping the hair away, it was just what a needed. Plus with the heat and humidity, my curly hair gets out of control (these photos were taken at my hair's calmest), so it's nice to have half of it pinned back.

peep my obnoxiously pink nails in my pre-NYC manicure

Since cutting my hair short nearly two years ago, I haven't done a lot of fun hairstyles, mostly because I don't have as much hair to be intricate with. But this look made me really happy, and I'm sure I'll be rocking these little space buns at some other points this summer!

a trip to NYC

Despite facing a lot of perils on my previous trip to NYC, I decided to go back! While, I had a terrible megabus trip to NYC (I got in 6 hours late... it was a 14 hours of travelling!!!), my whole trip was wonderful. I got to see one of my best friends, and frolick around the city with her. We had AMAZING food, some good heart to hearts, and some of the best views on beautifully sunny days. While I didn't take a pic of the meal, Chop Shop II was one of the best meals I had. Oh it was so delicious, I can't recommend going there enough!! She's only a few blocks off from Central Park, so we took a lovely walk around the reservoir.

Spotted: D and A with their favorite things, sunshine and iced coffee

Then my friend convinced me to do a booze cruise. Honestly, the thought of sailing around while drinking made me a little nervous (I'm terrified of water), but it was SO MUCH fun. Our views of Manhattan and Brooklyn were incredible. The skylines look great, but also there wasn't a single cloud in the sky. We were so fortunate.

Hello Manhattan!

Who looks better: us or the skyline?

That golden hour sunlight was so giving to us.

I had to leave on Sunday, although I wish I could have stayed so much longer. We had a fantastic brunch at Jane in Soho, and one of our dear friends took a train in from New Jersey to join us. Plus, my friend's lovely roommate came along too! I'm so happy to catch up with two people I love dearly, and to spend more time getting to know my friend's roommate who is so much fun.

This Vanilla Bean French Toast was incredibly delicious. I'm still thinking about it

Thanks to the random guy for indulging our photo needs

I made it back home safe and didn't break my ankle, which everyone in my life was a little too proud of me. It's gonna take me a long time to get back the reputation of someone who can walk around without breaking a bone! I'm so grateful for the chance to go on this trip. Life is hard and overwhelming, so it's important to spend time with people who love you. I can't express how grateful I am to my friends for showing me unconditional love and challenging me to be a better version of myself. I can't wait to see these girls again.

pride month reads

After Women's History Month, I wasn't sure if I was going to do anymore themed reading this year. But as June came around and with that Pride Month, I decided it would be good to read LGBTQ+ authors and stories this month. I've been actively trying to read more diversely this year, and one of the ways I've failed in the past is reading more queer works. I read a lot of romance that is always heterosexual. I don't read a lot from queer authors, so, this was a perfect way to check some books off my to read list and get some new perspective in my reading life! I started this challenge a little belatedly, nearly halfway into the month! I still managed to read 7 books though so I'm super happy about it.

George by Alex Gino

My first Pride read was the absolutely darling middle grade novel, George. This is the story of a trans girl who wants to star as Charlotte in her school's production of Charlotte's Web, but isn't allowed because she's a boy. George is written by a trans woman, meaning this is also own voices representation. I was thoroughly charmed by this book! It's a really accessible book for young kids without being overly preachy or simplistic. It talks frankly about how George/Melissa feels, there's a variety of reactions to her identity without being filled with exploitative violence that many queer stories have. This book is so well celebrated and completely deserving of it.

Release by Patrick Ness

Patrick Ness is one of my favorite writers, so I was really excited to read this. Release tells the story of a day in the life of Adam, the gay son of an Evangelical pastor. He's dealing with a lot of change all in one day, so this novel is filled to the brim with introspection. Meanwhile a mystical queen has risen which could mean an end to the world. I had no idea about the fantasy elements of the book, so I was pretty thrown off by it. I loved Adam's story, but the fantasy didn't have much depth. I felt so confused. Ultimately the stories come together at the very end, but it wasn't satisfying since I only cared about one half of the story. I would have loved this book had it just been about Adam's story. Also, as Ness is a gay man, this is another own voices story.

The Weight of Feathers by Anna-Marie McLemore

This novel was described as magical realism Romeo and Juliet and compared to The Night Circus, so I was totally sold on this. This is the story of two feuding performance families, the Palomas, a Mexican family who perform as mermaid stunts in the water, and the Corbeaus, a French Romani family who climb tightropes with large wings. It focuses on Lace and Cluck (yes his name is ridiculous) and how they overcome their families differences and fall in love. The writing in this is absolutely dreamy, although I had wanted just a bit more of the magic. Although this is a love story between a boy and a girl, McLemore identifies as demisexual, and states that this love story was partially inspired by her own with her trans husband. This book was really lovely, and I can't wait to read more by McLemore.

I'll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson

This book is pretty much a modern YA classic, so it was about time I read it. This is the story of twins Noah and Jude told from both their alternating perspectives. Noah's story covers ages 13-14, and Jude's is age 16. Noah is a closeted gay boy who is constantly drawing and dreaming of acceptance to a prestigious art high school. Jude is an anxious student at said art school who talks with her grandmother's ghost. The two stories ultimately come together in a very satisfying way. I didn't vibe with Nelson's writing style, as the characters tended to go off on so many tangents that felt distracting, but she created a really intriguing plot that had me flying through the last third of the book.

If You Could Be Mine by Sara Farizan

I had never heard of Sara Farizan before this month, but I did some googling to find queer YA voices, and she popped up. Farizan is Iranian and set this story in Iran. Sahar and her best friend Nasrin are in love, but homosexuality is illegal in Iran. Nasrin's parents plan to marry her off and Sahar is desperate to find a solution. This book was really angsty and sad, as the consequences of being gay are so much higher stakes than the USA. I had a lot of trouble with Sahar's decision making in the book. She's only 17, which means of course she doesn't consider any consequences but I was a bit turned off by it. Additionally, I don't like present tense writing. But I was really glad to read a book set outside the US since that's another way to get a diversity of reading.

The Ruin of a Rake by Cat Sebastian 

This was my first male/male romance novel, and I wasn't quite sure what to expect. I ended up really liking this. It's set in Regency England, which is the setting for the vast majority of historical romance I've read. It was a bit sad to not have a wedding at the end, but of course gay marriage was not legalized! Anyway, I adored Cat Sebastian's writing. This book was so sexy and there was a really wonderful dynamic between the characters. I'm really looking forward to reading more from her as she makes LGBTQ+ characters a priority in her historical romance novels, which makes sense as these identities are not a new invention.

Juliet Takes a Breath by Gabby Rivera

This book was a little all over the place for me. It's set in 2002, and follows Juliet, a gay Puerto Rican girl from the Bronx, who comes out to her family just before she heads off to Portland to intern for a famous white woman feminist. For one, Rivera has a wonderful voice. She's incredibly funny and paints Portland and hippy feminism so accurately, I couldn't stop rolling my eyes at the speeches the characters made. Rivera also makes Latina and brown and black voices really prominent in the story, which is so important. However, this book came through an indie publisher and had a lot of editing issues. The formatting was off in the book, and it needed a really strong editor to make the story a lot tighter. So while I didn't love this, I'm really looking forward to seeing what else Rivera is writing.


That's it! I had some really great reads this month, and I'm happy for once again expanding my horizons in terms of reading. It's important to make an effort to read a better variety of stories, which is what I've been doing with these monthly challenges. One book I didn't summarize is The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli. I didn't want to include it on its own as the author is straight (I believe) and the main character is straight. However, the main character is the daughter of lesbians, and her twin is a lesbian dating a pansexual girl, so there was still a lot of queerness in the novel.

I'm definitely up for more stories to read and more authors to check out, so I'm always open to recommendations! I don't want to just read queer stories during Pride Month, or black authors during Black History Month, because they deserve to be read all year round.

my recent handlettering projects

One of the reasons I picked "create" as my word of the year was so that I could get back into handlettering. During college, I spent a lot of time in lectures doodling in the margins of my notebooks some of my favorite lyrics and quotes. I loved doing it, and ended up dedicating a whole notebook to my little doodles. After graduating college and entering the workforce, I noticed this hobby tended to die off. I wasn't doing that as much anymore and I missed it! So this year, I've been actively trying to handletter more. Using a bullet journal as been so useful for this ebcause it offers a lot of space and freedom for me to draw and doodle and practice my faux calligraphy. I have a couple recent pieces that I'm really proud of, and I want to showcase them here!

This was a quote from CS Lewis that really struck me. I struggle a lot with anxiety and fear of the future, so it became a bit of a mantra I wanted to repeat to myself. My bullet journal theme for May was lavender, which is a very calming scent, so the quote was a perfect pairing for my weekly spread!

This was inspired by Amanda Rach Lee who is one of my favorite bullet journalers. It's a celebration of Pride month and reminder that love is love is love is love. I did a doodle of Lin-Manuel Miranda's Tony acceptance speech a while back, so it was fun to do a new pride doodle. 

I shared in my last post about how My Favorite Murder is a podcast making me so happy lately, which means of course I had to doodle one of their catchphrases! This was so much fun, not because the lettering itself was complicated, but because I got to do a lipstick print and the bloody knife. I love playing with illustrative styles and I was really proud of how this turned out.

My bullet journal theme for June is citrus fruits, so I've been drawing a lot of little fruit slices. This quote doesn't particularly have anything to with citrus, but I wanted to use the same doodles and color schemes in a hand lettering page for this month. This quote is really over used on the internet and makes me feel very cliched BUT it's a good reminder for believing in myself and accomplishing what I want.

These doodles make me happy, and I'm so thrilled to be exercising some creativity and expressing myself. I'm probably going to fill out my bullet journal before the year is up, but if it's because I'm adding some art that I enjoy, then it's all worth it!

some things making me happy pt. 2

The sky is pouring down rain, the news is full of heart-breaking stories, and my ankle hurts, so let's focus on some things that have made me happy.

Last night I watched Tig Notaro's new Netflix Special Happy to Be Here. I really love Tig's style of comedy. She's completely deadpan and has an excellent delivery. In this special she talks a lot about her wife, her kitten, and her sons, and I nearly fell out of my chair because I was laughing so hard. Tig brought a lot of joy into my life last evening and I highly recommend her new special!

I've already made my love of podcasts very clear, so naturally I had to put a podcast on this list. Back in April when it was announced that police had arrested the Golden State Killer, I went and listened to My Favorite Murder to hear them talk about the case. After that I decided to try ore of their show and then... I became obsessed. I've listened to nearly every episode of this show ever, and I completely adore it. Karen and Georgia retell different murder and crime stories to each other just as friends who are obsessed with true crime. They talk openly about their mental health struggles, they advocate for women and victims, and, like all great podcasts, make me feel like I'm hanging out with my best friends.

Last weekend, my roommate and I had a girls night and watched the new Netflix film Set It Up. It was a really fun film that fills the giant hole in my life that needs to be filled with rom-coms. I desperately miss the rom-com and cannot wait for it to make a comeback. This has the classic ridiculous rom-com premise (assistants set up their overworked bosses), with great hijinks all along the way. Also, I desperately need Lucy Liu's entire wardrobe from this film.

How could I not include the Queen herself? Beyoncé and her husband released an album last weekend, and I really like it. I'm already planning when I can use the lyrics from FRIENDS as Instagram captions. I've been listening to Lemonade a lot recently (because of course!) so it's great to have new music from Beyoncé and the guy she's married to.


Hopefully these things can give others some joy this weekend as much as they give me! Let's go into the weekend with a smile on our face, and the ability to find joy in the face of all the terrible things trying to bring us down. 

mascara try on

If there's one thing I wish I had it would be big beautiful eyelashes that don't need mascara. Okay, thick eyelashes are not the top of my wishlist, not even top 10. But if I had an endless supply of wishes, naturally gorgeous eyelashes would be there at some point. I know one of the latest crazes is eyelash extensions which seem perfect for me except for the price tag. Maybe one day if I ever get a job with lots of disposable income, it'll happen. Until then, I rely heavily on mascara.

When it comes to my basic-est makeup routine, it's concealer, brows, and mascara. I want to add lipstick, but frankly I'd rather leave the house with mascara on then lipstick. Well, honestly, I'd much prefer to have both on, but if I can only have three products in this weird self-imposed hypothetical, mascara is number 3 on the list.

I was recently in a Sephora talking with an employee and mentioned that I've actually started to prefer mini size mascaras. She told me this was probably due to the smaller tube allowing a better distribution of product on the wand. It's also turning out to be a better deal for me, since mini mascaras are much cheaper (typically half the price) and honestly last me just as long. So for this try-on, I only used a bunch of mini size mascaras. Most of them came from this kit which was a great buy! It also comes with a coupon for a full size of one of these products!

Also here's what I did for all of these photos. I curled my lashes, then applied one coat on my top lashes and bottom lashes. Then I added one additional coat on my top lashes. I didn't put on any eye shadow or eyeliner for these photos, but adding eyeliner can definitely make your lashes look a lot bolder.

Tarte Gifted Amazonian Clay Mascara

This product has now become my go-to everyday mascara! I love how natural it looks. It's perfect mascara to just throw on when you don't want your makeup to be really bold or over the top. I wear it the most at work when I'm just going with a really simple make up look. The Tarte Amazonian Clay blushes, bronzers, and highlighters have really wowed me, so the whole Amazonian Clay line is proving to be such a winner.

IT Costmetics Superhero Elastic Stretch Volumizing Mascara

IT Cosmetics has been a bit of a cult favorite brand lately! My hair stylist told me she loves their CC cream, which I definitely want to try soon. If the rest of their brand is as great as this mascara, I'm sold! This was probably my favorite is the Lashstash kit. One coat of this is definitely enough mascara, but it's really easily buildable to but on a bunch of extra coats and make your lashes POP.

Lancome Monsieur Big Mascara

This post has just gone from more natural and increasing in boldness! I've never tried Lancome mascara before but I know they're extremely popular from the brand. This mascara made my lashes look SO long. This is a mascara I would gravitate towards for a night out than an everyday look because these make your eyelashes stand out! I would be careful applying because my lashes did tend to clump, so you don't want to rush through the application process.

Urban Decay Troublemaker Mascara

Okay, this is my least favorite mascara of the bunch. In fact, I probably won't wear it anymore. While it looks good, in this mascara did not say on my lashes. After taking this photo, I went to the movie theatre and after the film I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror only to see black smudging all down my cheek. I hadn't even cried or been sweating! The brush is also so weird. The bristles are short and far apart. Maybe that's good for some people, but I like bigger thicker bristles! The fullsize product's packaging is so pretty but my sample didn't come that way, probably just to let me know I shouldn't expect much.

Bobbi Brown Eye Opening Mascara

I think this mascara falls more on the side of natural than bold. It's a really decent mascara. It looks fine and goes on fine, and I don't have anything negative to say. It doesn't really stand out for me, and I probably wouldn't repurchase, but it's a nice mascara! I'll definitely keep it around because it's always nice to have an extra mascara around, but I probably won't reach for it first.


It was really fun trying a bunch of new mascaras, because I'm normally quite a loyalist who sticks to one product. But I really like getting to try new ones out in my quest for big, bold, and beautiful lashes! I'm really drawn to and test kits that provide a mini mascara so that I get the chance to easily try out more products.

I purchased all of these products with my own money and took all these selfies on my beautiful porch! I am slowly being judged by neighbors, but it's fine! Also here's an outtake from the day I took photos and it was SUPER windy.